APRIL 1: my so called APRIL FOOLS DAY

this day, i know having you in my life is one of my best unexpected things that happened.. this day reminds me always of things that made me happy because of you.. i can still remember this day like it happened yesterday.. you're waiting for me to turn, you smiled at me and you hugged me like it was a natural thing for us. we talked like how we were before and so interested on me. we laughed like we are old friends teasing and catching up. we sit and look at each other like we shared so many things together.. its been a year since i last saw you, face to face.. that face, that smile, that hug, that laugh i miss most and that look from you have been the memories all i can hold until now.  i was happy i saw you last year. i am glad because even though i know i will bid you goodbye at that moment and it may be our last glimpse of each other as like before how we were. i am amaze of how our lives had interchanged and how we have met and be with each other.. its been a year as well how my heart fluttered and had an instant butterfly in my stomach.. how crazy and agitated i was after i saw you.. how i cant describe how i feel that time after being with you for a brief moment.. how i have so many things to tell you and asked you but hold my tongue just not to spoil the moment of being with you.. how i would want to hold you and never let you go yet i didnt because i know i cant.. i still remember how my heart yearns and at the same time aches for us.. yet i am still overwhelmed, like today as i remember the feeling of how we were the same day last year.. it was supposedly just another april 1 of last year, just ordinary day for me. but it had changed into something i remember like today the same date, april 1. another fools day.. so my april fools day isnt like te others, its more like a revelation of truth and facing it openly. its not about pranks and jokes like the others but it was deeper  more of an acceptance of things between us.. its not april fools day but its the day i set you free as well as myself too.  ,p,

summer

Summer is supposed to be the season where you can play around, be foolish and doesn’t think about tomorrow. It’s the season when the sun is as bright as happiness could compare and humid wind is as hot as the exciting things you will experience. The summer of my life came in such an unexpected time of my life; well that is how life works, right?! It will kick you hard when you are really unaware of it. You came just when everything is just normal and everything is routine. Then with just one question of “SINGLE or TAKEN” which I answered “Casual lang” and your reply of “Pwede bang OR nalang” that’s the time I know that summer has arrived. Ever since, the anxiety I felt every time your name appears like the every evening I am about to sleep and think of what’s waiting for tomorrow morning. The smile I find everyday in the mirror every silly and random thing we’ve done. The craziness we both did to our lives, and the happiness I felt every wrong things I’ve done. Yes, just like summer, it is ok to fool around and be crazy because when the rain comes; when your routine comes you both know that you are not the person he wants to spend it with, that goes to you too. You both know it is not permanent and you don’t want to engage into something you can’t commit long. You’re each other’s summer.

You are my summer and I know summer flies so fast. I know that fact before I even admit to myself what I am starting in my life. But even though I did manage to keep it look as simple as possible, I didn’t know that I am wounding myself so deep that it begins to create a mark that I can’t cover by vices and future plans. We know better that we should be without each other but how come we spend each day thinking of how and when are we seeing each other. We know that you have a home by yourself in her arms while I am a nomad who seeks the righteous home where I can spend the rest of my life but how come you welcomed me as if a visitor that you want to stay there as it permits. How come being with you is merely a sin but doesn’t feel like it. You’re somehow someone who just passed by as always my summer. I know it will end which I savor each waking hour that I think of you. Each smile, laughter, jokes and sensible talks were kept like a secret never told.

Sometimes I wish that as summer has passed that you would remember that I am always your summer too. How I wish that I can always go back to the past summer and bring it back like the present. How I wish that you missed me too like how I miss you. And how I wish to think that you would want to bring back how we were used to be.

As I fantasize of a future with you, I know that it would be impossible that everything would be as real as the scorching sun and humid wind. I know that when I even start to look you in the eye that you’re not going to be mine. And I know that we are just meant to just know each other and had an intriguing past that we will both laugh when we remember it in the future..

(**written November 2011)