Summer is supposed to be the season where you can play
around, be foolish and doesn’t think about tomorrow. It’s the season when the
sun is as bright as happiness could compare and humid wind is as hot as the
exciting things you will experience. The summer of my life came in such an
unexpected time of my life; well that is how life works, right?! It will kick
you hard when you are really unaware of it. You came just when everything is
just normal and everything is routine. Then with just one question of “SINGLE
or TAKEN” which I answered “Casual lang” and your reply of “Pwede bang OR
nalang” that’s the time I know that summer has arrived. Ever since, the anxiety
I felt every time your name appears like the every evening I am about to sleep
and think of what’s waiting for tomorrow morning. The smile I find everyday in
the mirror every silly and random thing we’ve done. The craziness we both did
to our lives, and the happiness I felt every wrong things I’ve done. Yes, just
like summer, it is ok to fool around and be crazy because when the rain comes;
when your routine comes you both know that you are not the person he wants to
spend it with, that goes to you too. You both know it is not permanent and you
don’t want to engage into something you can’t commit long. You’re each other’s
summer.
You are my summer and I know summer flies so fast. I know
that fact before I even admit to myself what I am starting in my life. But even
though I did manage to keep it look as simple as possible, I didn’t know that I
am wounding myself so deep that it begins to create a mark that I can’t cover
by vices and future plans. We know better that we should be without each other
but how come we spend each day thinking of how and when are we seeing each
other. We know that you have a home by yourself in her arms while I am a nomad
who seeks the righteous home where I can spend the rest of my life but how come
you welcomed me as if a visitor that you want to stay there as it permits. How
come being with you is merely a sin but doesn’t feel like it. You’re somehow
someone who just passed by as always my summer. I know it will end which I
savor each waking hour that I think of you. Each smile, laughter, jokes and
sensible talks were kept like a secret never told.
Sometimes I wish that as summer has passed that you would
remember that I am always your summer too. How I wish that I can always go back
to the past summer and bring it back like the present. How I wish that you
missed me too like how I miss you. And how I wish to think that you would want
to bring back how we were used to be.
As I fantasize of a future with you, I know that it would be
impossible that everything would be as real as the scorching sun and humid
wind. I know that when I even start to look you in the eye that you’re not
going to be mine. And I know that we are just meant to just know each other and
had an intriguing past that we will both laugh when we remember it in the
future..
(**written November 2011)
